Three weeks ago, I decided to try online dating for the first time in my life. I'm not a particularly handsome guy but I'm nice enough and therefore I've never had trouble meeting women. This experience with real, sincere women and long-term relationships may have given me the instincts that saved me from being scammed. But that did not make it any less unpleasant to find out the truth.
I joined Shaadi.com and within two days a girl with the screen name "Pretty Princess" expressed an interest in me and sent me her e-mail address. Her profile photo on Shaadi is the first of the three at the bottom of this page.
She was "Vanessa Davis." Vital stats:
vanessadavis6667@hotmail.com, IP address: 65.55.90.135. Her alleged hometown: Albany, New York state. The origin of the IP address? Redmond, Washington State, on the other side of the United States!
I had never heard of Bailey so I didn't suspect a thing. Shaadi.com is aimed primarily at Indians and requires members to specify where in India they're from (if at all). Apparently, she was from Assam. Bailey, with her thin build, brown eyes and hair, and ethnically ambiguous skin, could pass for a good-looking Assamese girl. And a lot of Indians living in the U.S. have American names. It made sense to me thus far. The name "Pretty Princess" did not set off any alarms though I did wonder why someone would choose such a cheesy screen name. I decided it was because she was probably new to this as well and a bit of a dork. Bailey looks like she could have a dorky side. Then began the e-mail correspondence.
This was her first message:
-------------------------------------
Hi dearie,
How are you doing? I hope you are really having a nice time out there. How is work and how has life been treating you? I'm new at online dating cause i was introduced to it by a friend and you are the first person am meeting online. Thanks so much for replying my message on the site, i really appreciate it. So how's everything been with you? I think I'd take this chance to tell you a little about myself. Am Vanessa Davis 25, 5'2 tall, brown hair, brown eyes blah blah blah lol. I am single with no kids and currently seeking for a relationship, but not rushing myself.I'm presently working as a nurse attached to UNICEF and also involved in sales of art works. Hope you gonna tell me something about yourself. I will be looking forward to your message.
-------------------------------------
To which I responded:
-------------------------------------
Hi Vanessa,
We're on the same page. I'm new to this as well. I thought I would try it because it's something I've never done before and I was curious. Now I'm glad I did.
I'm working for a law firm in Boston and I'm waiting to see if I've passed the Bar exam. But basically my whole life is ahead of me and I'm not in any rush either. Which is why I'm not thinking too far ahead (kids etc.) By nature, I'm very laid-back and chill. I like to see the best in people and I believe that a fun time can be had with almost anyone. The alert, intelligent expression on your face suggests to me that you're like that as well.
Therefore, I'm hoping to get to know you gradually, though I can already tell that you're worth getting to know.
I'm curious to know what you had in mind for this experience?
--------------------------------------
Her second e-mail contained most of the signs that I was dealing with a scammer that RomanceScam has listed on their FAQ page. She did not answer my questions. She rambled. She used every cliche in the book. Her English was awful. But I was none the wiser. At the time, it just struck me as the behavior of a lonely person with poor social skills. It did make me a little more suspicious than her screen name did, but not enough to seriously question her legitimacy:
---------------------------------------
Hi dearie,
how are you doing today? Its nice to read from you again. Thanks for telling me something about yourself i really love all i have heard.Well presently I'm on a working trip with the UNICEF team on a mission to war ravished countries in western Africa and I am going to be back in a week. Things are going well for us out here and I hope we can meet up when i get back. I enjoy going to the beach, playing pool, watching movies, dancing mostly salsa, playing video games, reading magazines and novels generally anything that keeps me active. I have passed through a lot being in a relationship and wouldn't allow the past to ruin me again, I believe failure teaches success and building my future with the experience I had. I believe inside looks would determine if couples are compatible, though attraction is part of it but the most important that does it all is personality traits. I am seeking for a man that's caring, understanding, faithful, honest, trustworthy, patient , supportive , gentle, responsible and intelligent. Deary, I don't know what you still wanna know, but I'd be glad if you asked. Your turn, so i look forward to getting your mail soon.
Take care of yourself and be safe.
------------------------------------------
To which I replied:
-------------------------------------------
I'm in awe of your motivation. It's impressive enough to be working for UNICEF but to voluntarily put yourself in a war-torn country is beyond courageous. I respect that. It says a lot about your character. Unfortunately, I'm not working on anything nearly as exciting, lol. I work in intellectual property law. Our firm helps people get patents, copyrights, or trademark protection for the things they invent or create. Until I pass the Bar exam, I won't be able to handle my own cases but my boss is a great guy and he's given me as much to do on cases as he possibly can. There are ethical rules governing lawyers and they prohibit unlicensed graduates like me from doing certain things like representing a client alone or appearing in court.
I think exactly the same thing about people: It's most important to judge what's on the inside but physical attraction is important as well. Just FYI, you should know that I look a lot better in person. I simply do not photograph that well. Plus, I had just gotten back from an intense workout in the photos I sent you, haha. For the record, I think you are drop-dead gorgeous. That is just a bonus, however. Your character seems solid and that is what I find most attractive. For my part, I always try my best to be all those things (understanding, faithful, gentle, trustworthy etc.) with everyone, not just the women I'm dating. I've made mistakes in the past as well, both in and out of relationships and I've corrected myself over the years so I can be more like the man you described.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you've been hurt in the past. Would that be accurate?
-----------------------------------------
Prepare yourself for the mandatory traumatic childhood garbage that scammers love to use:
------------------------------------------
Hello deary,
How are you doing today? Am so happy to hear from you, i derive great satisfaction helping people out and that's why i love my job a lot. I will love to come visiting when am through with this mission out here, we will have nice dinners, take long walks and talk about everything we like and enjoy.
I was posted to here after our mission in Sudan. So the UNICEF posted me and a team down to a country called Nigeria in western Africa. The people are so lovely, this is my first time of coming over here but they look at us like angels. I do get homesick at times, i wish i had someone back home to talk to but unfortunately i have no one. My parents are dead, lost them in a car crash when i was just 12. I was raised by my aunt who is now caught up in drugs and alcohol, i really love her and its pains me that she chose to live that way. That was one of the reasons why i decided to stay alone and work with my team cause i didn't feel comfortable living with her any more. That's the family picture and my personal life, but any ways I'll not and I'll never allow that to pull me down/back in life. I just have to be strong and move on in my life. I pray the Lord guides and protect me and lead me through the right path.
I'm new at online dating, i was introduced to it by a friend out here in the camp, she told me that she met her husband online and that i should try it, at least to make some friends. Your are the first person am meeting online and i hope you will not hurt me, i want to be your best friend and i also need your advise in life and your support as well to achieve my goals. Hope all this make sense to you? Take good care of yourself and be safe. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
I care,
Your new friend,
Vanessa
-------------------------------------------
This e-mail finally made me stop and think. Aside from the repeated bizarre ramblings and romantic comedy cliches, this seemed too out there to be legit. She did not sound like someone who had been through this much torment, much less someone who was involved in humanitarian efforts in Africa. Some posters on this website have described how they developed an alternate mindset, a skeptical viewpoint that allowed them to accept that they were being scammed while at the same time hanging on to hope that the person on the other side was real. I had now developed such a mindset because every alarm bell in my head was ringing like crazy. Had I discovered Romance Scam earlier, I would have stopped communicating at this point, but I was still a first-time scam victim. I responded to her messed up life-story:
---------------------------------------------
Hi Vanessa,
Your last e-mail gave me some pause. There was a lot of information in there that stunned me and impressed me. However, for the same reason, you now seem too good to be true. I do not want to get to like you and then realize that someone is playing a cruel joke on me. So if you don't mind, I was wondering if you could send me a photo of yourself at your camp or in front of the UNICEF building holding a sign with my name on it. I'm really sorry to have to ask, but you sound like a dream come true and if you turn out not to be real, I don't think I'll be able to handle being that disappointed.
Take care
---------------------------------------------
Her lame response:
---------------------------------------------
i tried snapping in front of the camp and i was held by the security..They said because of my safety ,i cant snap in front of it..i am sorry i cant snap the pics you asked for.
---------------------------------------------
I pressed her gently but also told her way too much about my personal life:
---------------------------------------------
Any photo with my name would be fine. Don't get into trouble. I just hope you can understand why I'm asking for these.
I'm sorry about your parents and your aunt. That is more suffering than one person should have to live through in their lifetime. I've been through my fair share of suffering as well, but for the opposite reason: My parents were way too involved in my life. In fact, they were downright controlling and paranoid, as parents can sometimes be. My dad is an insecure, abusive freak and my Mom used to be a weak-willed woman who justified the abuse. She's becoming a little better at standing up to people, but I had had enough. I decided that I needed to fix this family, so last year I cut him out of my life and my Mom has regained financial control over the house (he never paid for anyone but himself). I repaired my relationship with my little sister, who is safely 7,500 miles away in the U.S. and we are happier. My dad is totally isolated but he's a coward and he's accepted his fate so he's given up on trying to control and abuse us. This is what I've been fighting against my whole life both in terms of preventing myself from making the same mistakes my parents did and by trying to get to know people who have battled a difficult life and succeeded. This is also why I'm cautious against being hurt.
---------------------------------------------
Obviously, she refuses.
---------------------------------------------
i cant please..i dont want to get into trouble..
---------------------------------------------
I relented. Her story was plausible, but my antennae were completely up now and I had begun to prepare myself for disappointment.
---------------------------------------------
It's ok. I had no idea security was so strict there.
I've already given you the benefit of the doubt.
I'm just cautious by nature. I hope you won't take it personally. I like you already.
Why don't you tell me what your day-to-day responsibilities entail? What are your hours like?
----------------------------------------------
She played the sulky card.
----------------------------------------------
Dear i am at work now..what is the time over there?it is 10.56am here...i am kinda busy
----------------------------------------------
I was determined to give her some space.
----------------------------------------------
Ok. I'll talk to you later then. It's pretty early here.
----------------------------------------------
More irrelevant B.S.
----------------------------------------------
do you stay alone and what is the time over there..send me a pic of yourself
----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
In the U.S., I live with roommates. But I'm in Dubai so I'm actually closer to you than you think.
----------------------------------------------
Her guilt trip finally worked. I felt bad for making her feel like a fraud and even worse for possibly getting her in trouble. It was the first and last time I caved and apologized.
----------------------------------------------
Hi Vanessa,
If you are a little upset right now, I can't blame you. I apologize for making you feel that way. You've got to appreciate one important thing: I did it because you are incredible. My entire life has been a battle and when things seemed too good to be true, they usually weren't true. If you were some ordinary, average girl with a bland personality (like most of the girls who got in touch with me), I wouldn't have asked you to clarify that you were real because I wouldn't have cared.
About you, I care. It's like in the movies when one of the characters reaches out and touches the other character to make sure she's real, or when one of the characters pinches himself to make sure he isn't dreaming. That's where I was coming from. Surely you can see how your incredible life story and personality would make someone feel that way. I very much want to continue this. The long walks, the dinners, and conversations sounded lovely. If I could, I would reach out and put my arms around you right now.
Until then, I'm going to give you your space and hope you can forgive me, or at least understand where I'm coming from.
Take care
-------------------------------------------
Reading this now, my face is buried in my palms in shame. She knew she had won this round and gave me the relief I sought:
-------------------------------------------
Hi Dear,
Dear i have been busy with work ,i am not angry with you... Ever since I have been reading from you on here thoughts of you lingers in me and I cant just resist the feelings, have never felt like this in my whole life. Its the feelings of joy and happiness, like i have been reconnecting with an old friend, i am really glad that you are happy talking to me too. Am really sorry if i sound like i am pushing things on, its just that i am a very straight forward person and i don't hide feelings. In that light honey, despite the fact that i hate talking about my ex and what happened in my last relationship i want you to know about it cause its a way of letting you know that i am really serious about wanting to take this friendship we have and building it into something strong and real.
It lasted for about 3 years. He was fun, loving and caring when we first met but then he started changing. I think he got tired of me and decided to try new things after 2 years and almost 10 months. He started finding fault in everything I did and would always nag. I confronted him about it and told him that he was hurting me, we settled our disputes and continued living together, we got engaged and that was when it happened. He could have told me he didn't want me anymore and that we should just forget about the whole relationship, i would have understood, but instead he treated me in a very cruel way. He destroyed my heart. I found out he was having an affair with another girl, traced them and when i caught him red handed he told me right in front of the other woman that he didn't need me anymore. I felt crushed, humiliated and hated the world and the very earth i was standing on that moment, i just wanted to disappear. Days later, i tried to take my life, looking back on that now but am happy that i couldn't go on with it, and right now i have passed those stages and moved on to a better life.
I like being honest in anything I find myself doing. I have been very honest in my past relationships but what hurts me is that I don't tend to get that honesty back from my partners. It really stress me out and makes me sad. I was very honest and loyal to my ex and everything was going smooth until he started changing his character towards me. I really loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but I guess he was not ready for that. I have been single for more than a year now and haven't let any guy approach me, cause I don't want the same thing that happened in my last relationship to happen again. I want someone that I can always call my one and my only cause I'll be his one and only too. I want my next relationship to be my very last one, cause i want it to progress to marriage and then kids and a wonderful family, and I'm sure that will be the case cause I have waited for so long for it and i pray about it everyday. Hope all this makes sense to you. Missing your messages so much and i cant wait to hear from you again.
Be cool and take good care of yourself cause i care.
Vanessa
------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
Hi Vanessa,
Your ex sounds like a hateful person. I don't know all the details, but there is never any excuse for a man to begin mistreating a woman and cheat as well. Whenever I had a problem with my exes, I was always upfront with them. I never started pulling this sleazy shit. And you can be sure that I will be upfront with you, like I was yesterday.
Every breakup I've had was my fault. I'm mature and patient now, but I used to be short-tempered, insecure, and distant. I pushed away all three women I dated and all three were sweet, patient, and intelligent. When I finally figured out my faults, it was too late. But I swore that I would never make the same mistake again if I meet another intelligent, patient, sweet woman . . . like you.
Every time you tell me something about yourself, I go back to your first e-mail and look at your photos. I look at the expression on your face and the fire in your eyes and I understand more and more about you. Then I wait patiently for your e-mails or your replies, knowing that my day is just about to get a little better. I too can't wait until this becomes something more. I have never, EVER met someone like you and I can't get enough of you. I have to keep reminding myself that you are real.
I would love to see another photo of you if you don't mind. Any one will do.
--------------------------------------------
As you can see, I was too suspicious by this point to allow myself to open up and become invested, so I began writing her cheesy, boilerplate romantic-comedy phrases. At the time, I thought asking for another photo was a good test. I had no idea "she" had a wealth of choices on the Internet. She sent me this photo:
Then came more boilerplate nonsense:
-------------------------------------------
Honey,
How are you doing today? I hope you are having a nice time. Ever since I started reading from you I feel relaxed and more relieved and really looking into the future, when we will meet and do some things together, chat and finally see each other. At times i get so consumed by those thoughts that it scares me lol.
It sounds so good to talk about ones feelings and never hold back and just being truthful and sincere, what we have now is the mirror of the kind of relationship I would love to go into, a real genuine relationship based on honesty. Well, as you know its the joy of every woman to have a family and its my dream here too, i want to have my own kids and a loving man in my life, to love and take care of them.
I am really interested in wanting to know about what makes you the special person you are today, i can date anyone as long as there is love between us. I want to know more about your family, your background, your life experiences, your goals and dreams, your interests, and anything else you want to tell me. I even want to learn about the secrets you very rarely share with someone! I want to learn about you and what makes up your heart and soul. cause i want what we have to grow, i want us to have a genuine friendship based on love and trust. A friendship filled with substance, quality and potential to grow into something beautiful and real.
You have brought me back to life. You have allowed me to enter into a world of feeling again. I walk along the corridors of the camp here as i go to work and I see flowers that smile back at me. Children running and laughing together brings laughter to me as well and my heart begins to bounce with joy.
Still wondering what being with you will be like. Just looking forward to that day.I sent you some of my pic too
I look forward to hearing from you soon ! so Take care and be good sweetheart.
I Care,
Vanessa
------------------------------------------
At this point, I wasn't even reading her e-mails all the way through, hoping she would prove me wrong by saying something meaningful or actually responding to me. On top of that, I had received some really good news so I wasn't thinking about her much. Because she was on her guard, she hadn't given me much reason to call her out yet. Thus, I just continued to indulge her to see whether all this love-crazed rambling was going somewhere:
------------------------------------------
Hi V!
Actually, I'm doing great. I just found out that I passed the Massachusetts Bar Exam!!! I can now call myself an attorney! I'm well on my way to becoming a professional!
I'm happy that the results were released right now so I could share them with you. I was busy all day, then I came home to this news and just couldn't fathom what I had achieved. It's been a great day.
I am totally with you regarding the way I prefer to build a relationship. I've never met someone who has been as brutally honest as you have been with me and so early on too. I, too, want kids and a family someday, but I'm in no rush. It sounds like you are in a bit of a rush. You don't have to be. For now, let's focus on getting to know each other and talking about the little things in life. I appreciate a woman who keeps her eye on the ball, but I respect, in equal measure, people who know how to enjoy the day-to-day pleasures that make life worth living. For example, the flowers in the corridor of the camp or the laughter of children. I would love to talk about our fears, our worst secrets, and our insecurities as well, of course. But you must be prepared to, sometimes literally, stop and smell the roses with me, lol.
Which brings me to my next point. Why do you say that you were brought back to life? Clearly, you are full of life already or you would not have been able to make something of yourself and get over your tormented past. You're giving me too much praise, especially since we're only just getting to know each other. Have faith in yourself; in between work days or on the weekends when you feel down, think about the life you've lived. Don't try to block it out. Then admit to yourself how many obstacles you've conquered and be proud of yourself. We haven't even met and I'm proud of you. Honey, you've got to be proud of yourself and alive within; you may enjoy reading my e-mails, but you don't need me to be alive within. Neither your unfortunate childhood or your aunt, nor your asshole ex have been able to quell that fire. Celebrate it! That, your fiery resolve, is my favorite thing about you.
Until next time,
---------------------------------------
In this next e-mail, she actually responds to the news about my result, but then immediately starts talking about family and a bunch of other stuff and it seemed like she'd fallen in love with me (!!??):
---------------------------------------
Hi Honey, How are you doing today. whenever i see your message on my computer i feel so happy and alive, u have become a part of me and that's why i want you to know my goals and aspirations in life.I am so happy for the exam result you sent to me.thank God for everything.one of my goals is to have a very happy and God-fearing family in the future with lovely kids and also have a successful career and run a midwifery clinic for pregnant women,its really something i have always dreamt of and i'm really working hard towards that direction. I also want to go back into my arts trade and since i know that the african culture has a bulk of such materials, am really looking into the sales of african art works back home, its a very profitable business and it will give me time to do other things also. I want to have a very happy family, a happy home with 4 kids,2 boys and 2 girls, lol. How about you? I'm sure that can't be complete without a honest, responsible and caring husband, someone who really knows the true meaning of what we call a Family. Well, hopefully fair enough everything works out good for me. Anyways, I see relationships as one of the most natural things that can happen in life and i believe a good relationship is built on trust, honesty, togetherness and prayers. I have had my fair share of relationships and i have been hurt too but it doesn't put me off me totally its only made me wiser. I like having fun and i like going to the beach to watch the sunsets and going for long walks with my man. I like privacy a lot too but it just have to be with my man. Much to say but so little time. I have to jump in the showers now and then get something to eat and get some rest. I'll be hoping to hear from you soon. Take care of yourself and get back to me when you can.
I care,
Vanessa
------------------------------------------
The next night, I celebrated with friends and many beers, so all I could reply was:
------------------------------------------
Hey you,
I'm sending you this e-mail to let you know that I read your e-mail. I'm celebrating my Bar passage with some friends tonight, so I will send you a more detailed response to your last e-mail tomorrow. Stay safe, V.
------------------------------------------
By this point, I had lost all interest. This was the most abnormal interaction I had ever had with someone of the opposite sex and I was just waiting to see when, if at all, she would reveal herself to be a fraud. The next e-mail delivered by setting up the premise of her pathetic story. Notice the not-so-subtle guilt-tripping and victim-like behavior:
------------------------------------------
Hi Honey,
How are you doing today? i wish i could be in your arms and you would take care of me, cause i know that with that i will be fine but that's not all baby,I have been in the Hospital since morning and the tests results just came in and it says i have a chronic case of food poisoning and typhoid fever, the doctor said i got sick partly due to the food i ate here. I knew that already but i don't think i had any other choice than to just eat the food they served us here. The first time i ate the food i got really sick so i had to buy my own food stuffs for myself and i have been doing that ever since. But what pains me most is that everyone out here is eating the food and nothing is happening to them. My food stuffs got exhausted some weeks back and that's why i have been eating the food they serve us out here which is what made me sick. The doctor advised me to get my own food stuffs since that's what i have always done until some weeks ago and also that i need some stronger pills other than the ones i bought already, he says that they are the only chance i have to fight this illness and i need them asap. I have asked the camp commandant if she can help me in getting the food since we're not allowed to move out of the camp site cause of the fighting going on outside and my deteriorating condition and she said she can help me get them but where the problems lays is that we haven't been paid yet, though i'm working as a voluntary worker out here but i will be paid some amount of money when i'm back home but right now i dont have any money on me to buy the stuffs that i need. I'm really broke right now and i need to get the stuffs baby cause i don't want to eat the food they serve us out here anymore. Its making me sick and I'm so scared. I'm just confused right now and i dont know what to do. But anyways, I hope you've been having a good time unlike me out here though, things aren't working fine for me down here at all and its really making me very sad and unhappy. Anyways, i have to go now as i'm tired of typing and probably boring you out. Do have fun and have a nice day even if i don't as i'm sure i won't.
with love
I care,
Vanessa
-----------------------------------------
I continued to play along because I sensed that we were approaching the climax:
-----------------------------------------
Hi V,
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds bad, but not too serious. I guess these things are to be expected when you visit that part of the world. I visited India once and got really sick from eating an unwashed salad in a cheap restaurant.
How are you today?? Have you got any updates from the doctors?
------------------------------------------
And finally, she comes out and asks me for money. There are more holes in her stupid story than Swiss Cheese:
------------------------------------------
Dear The food they serve us here is mainly their local food here and sometimes bread and tea and all that messy food. I had to buy my own food stuff sometimes back since i couldn't eat the one they serve us here but my food stuff finished some weeks back and thats why i had to eat the food they serve us here since i haven't been paid yet. I'm sick and i don't want to eat the food they serve us here anymore but i'm broke right now and i don't even have any money on me to buy my own food stuffs. I have been trying to patch up things, but it's getting out of my hands now i dont really like getting too forward though but things has been hard for me out here so I just have to I ask you for a little favor, i'm sure you know i need to get some food stuff for myself out here but i cant cause i havent been paid yet. So i thought i should ask if there's anything you can do for me, i mean if you can help me with $300 so i can use it in getting some food stuffs for myself out here and also pay the debts i owe, i'll really appreciate that and i promise to pay you back, when i get paid. I'm working as a voluntary worker here though but i'll be paid some amount of money when i get back home which is just to tell me thank you for a job well done. I'll pay you back from that when am paid. Please try and understand me, i really need a helping hand out here and i hope you can work something out for me real soon. I hope i'm not too forward but i just wanna be open with you. I hope to hear from you soon and until then take good care of yourself and have a nice time and a nice day even if i dont as i'm sure i wont cause of whats happening to me right now.
I Care,
Very Sad Vanessa
-----------------------------------------
In retrospect, I realize that I should have ceased all communication at this point. But my suspicions were confirmed and I was angry. I decided to test her and press her without losing my cool completely:
-----------------------------------------
Vanessa,
I wish I had $300 lying around. But even if I did, we haven't even met. While I'm fine with your being honest with me about your feelings, this feels weird. It crosses the line. Not even people I know for years ask me for this amount of money. I understand you're ill, but surely the UNICEF is not going to let you get sicker. They are your employers after all.
------------------------------------------
Idiotic, repetitive, non-responsive reply from her:
------------------------------------------
Dear
The unicef are not saying anything about my health condition..they are insisting that since I will be paid some money after my mission,that I have to treat myself.Dear I know that we have not know for too long but I really need your help now.I promise to refund you once I get paid..I am so hungry and I have not eaten any good food since yesterday morning
------------------------------------------
Me, annoyed:
-------------------------------------------
I cannot do this. Please don't ask again.
-------------------------------------------
Lame attempt at emotional blackmail:
-------------------------------------------
So now you want to leave me now dear
-------------------------------------------
Me, finding it hard to play along now and furious:
-------------------------------------------
No. I don't want to leave you. I just don't want you to ask me for money so soon in our relationship!
Also, please give me an update on your condition. And why does the UNICEF not give a shit about you?
-------------------------------------------
Nothing brings a fighting couple together like bad grammar. Remember, this is someone who is supposed to have finished nursing school and the corresponding licensing exam:
-------------------------------------------
i just wish you cared better..
-------------------------------------------
Me, frustrated and sick at myself for typing the word "girl" while knowing there is a fat, greasy dude on the other side:
-------------------------------------------
I care. But part of any relationship requires each partner to try to see the other's point of view during a disagreement. Please try to understand why I would be reluctant to do this. You're a smart girl; think about it.
-------------------------------------------
He blatantly asks again!
-------------------------------------------
i understand you dear and thanks for everything but all i ask for is a chance my Dear..I have 100 here with me please just assist me with 200 ..This will be the last time i will ask you..i promise to pay you back dear...
-------------------------------------------
I had calmed down by this point, and I was just waiting for the time when I could call him out on his bullshit. I wish I had stopped.
-------------------------------------------
Even if I could, I don't have that much to spare. I'm just a poor law student who just passed the Bar exam. One day, $300 will be pocket money, for me, but I'm broke now, hon. I'm really sorry. What about your friends there? The ones who introduced you to Shaadi.com? Surely they are sympathetic to your condition.
-------------------------------------------
The amount keeps going down conveniently. This Nigerian bro realized he will have to settle for buying something cheaper than he originally planned:
-------------------------------------------
Baby I just got home now from the hospital now..
Baby I pleaded with the doctor and he said if I can come up with some money he will help me out and dear I need some food..
Baby all I ask for now is if you can borrow me $100..promise by the 3rd of november I will send it back to you..please love just do this for me and I promise not to dissapoint you..I love you so much
My future husband
--------------------------------------------
The fact that he signed it "future husband" made me laugh. By now I had calmed down. I was actually having fun with it and wanted to continue messing with him. Part of me was also still disgusted and wondered how to end it in the cruelest possible way. So I stalled:
--------------------------------------------
I don't have the money, V. Sorry. What about your friends???
Not only did you ask me for money so soon in our relationship, but you're going to stop talking to me over $100??!
--------------------------------------------
Check out the brilliant logic in this next e-mail, not to mention that she uses my name for the first time in two weeks! This is exactly the kind of bizarre logic and behavior that the admins of Romance Scam refer to in their FAQs and elsewhere:
---------------------------------------------
no dear...i am not feeling too well and i pay for this internet services dear..if you cant help me with 100?then how do you intend taking care of me when i am with you...i really need you help [my name]
----------------------------------------------
Me:
----------------------------------------------
Because I will start earning soon. You know I have a job, I just passed the Bar exam, and I will start working full time soon. You seem to be putting way too much focus on the financial aspect considering that I have all that in hand.
----------------------------------------------
This one I didn't expect, but I now realize that he realized he had to placate me for a bit before asking for money again:
----------------------------------------------
i love you dear....
----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
Me too. Get well soon. Please keep me updated!
----------------------------------------------
Sure enough, he tries again and the amount he demands goes waaaaay up. Oh, and he's already my wife apparently:
----------------------------------------------
Hi Honey,
Hope you are having a good day? Baby we just had the emergency meeting at the camp just now and some bad news came out of it, I really feel bad telling you this. Baby i just want to let you know i am having a little problem and i don't know how i can explain to you now cause I am not in a good mood baby, i was told here not too long ago that we have be transferred to Mali, baby i don't wanna go down there honey there is a war going on there and the tribes are very ruthless and savage, the last set of workers that went there were killed in the on going crisis, am ready to come home to see you like i told you, i want us to be together, i want us to take this to the next step, were we can get married and i can be with you for the rest of my life, so i told my boss that i will not be going over to Mali, that i do not want to risk my life, i am in love with a great man and i want to go start up my new life with him, and he agreed so i sign the exit to leave the camp.
PS: , the problem is that I was told they can't pay all my flight fare since its an uncompleted mission (being that i am leaving a mission and coming back home), they said they are going to pay 50%, baby I need your help with the balance 50% which is $1,200 so I can be with you asap, cause they want us to vacate the camp as soon as possible latest Monday evening . I am promising you with everything I have and I am that I Will refund you everything back upon my arrival. I know you didn't plan for any of this, so did I. Hope you understand and help me come so that we can start our new life, i just cant wait to be in your arms baby, i love you so so much. I am worried right now.
God bless you.
Your baby and love forever.
Vanessa your wife.
------------------------------------------------
I finally drop the act:
------------------------------------------------
Jig's up, man. How many times are you going to try to scam me? Lol. I can keep playing along if you want, though. This has gotten to be kinda fun.
Reported your sorry ass to Shaadi.com's customer service. And to the cops as well. They've got your IP address.
------------------------------------------------
The beginning of the end for "Vanessa":
------------------------------------------------
i love you baby
------------------------------------------------
Last chance, buddy:
------------------------------------------------
If you love me, send me a picture of yourself in the camp, with a sign holding my name.
------------------------------------------------
Soap opera-level drama from our little African friend:
------------------------------------------------
You know I can't do that ...why are you acting this way because I asked you for money?it is not fair..I want you to just trust me and if you can't trust me then this is the last message you will get from me..have a nice life..I really loved you but I don't know who you have been lisrtening to..
Bye love
------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------
Ok then, how about a picture of yourself in your room or whatever holding a sign with my name on it?? Security can't stop you from doing what you want in your room.
-------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------
Please I can't snap for you I don't want to loose my job.if you can't borrow me 100 then no problem dear.I am fine
-------------------------------------------------
I'm angry again:
-------------------------------------------------
You'll lose your job for taking a pic in YOUR quarters?? WTF? Explain, please.
-------------------------------------------------
"Vanessa's" dying breath:
-------------------------------------------------
dont email me again please..
-------------------------------------------------
Before I wrote the next e-mail, I had found RomanceScam and was furious again. I could not resist the impulse to rub it in his face though I did not tell him about RomanceScam. As an ultimate "in your face," I sent him a topless photo of Bailey. I've made the photo safe for this board:
-------------------------------------------------
I knew it. Fraud. Expect a visit from the cops. I'm a lawyer. You have no idea what you just stepped into.
BTW, look what I found, "Vanessa" or should I call you Brenda or Tina perhaps?
Was this before or after your alcoholic aunt whipped your ass? HAHAHA!!!
---------------------------------------------------
After this, I finally stopped communicating with him. I wish I had stopped much earlier, but I hate being played. I needed to vent and I got some satisfaction. Most of all, my instincts did not let me down and I identified the scam well before he got me to send him any money. But I will not deny that part of me wanted to believe that this girl was real. Bailey is, after all, pretty cute. That's why these lowlifes choose photos of people like her, I suppose. I realize that my experience has one of the happier endings. No damage was done and the scammer lost. But there were many things I could have done differently. Next time, however, I will know what to do . . . and what not to do.