The Healing Process

[FoolishMe]

I really need to know I am ok
I have lost 100,000 to these cretins,
I ache
Have told no one
Can't tell anyone
Writing about it makes it easier
He was so real.
So honest seeming
So vulnerable
I am so hurt
So bruised
So angry with myself.
Help
I took. Loan that I can't afford out, didn't pay bills to help him
I am in so much debt.
I hate this feeling

[minerva]

time will heal you and you not alone in this matter. i understand what you felt now.
its ok make a mistake coz we not a perfect one. its doesnt mean make you ugly. it human.
and we can learn from it than stand a tall again...move to better one..

[Mirjam]

Hi Foolishme

Don't say you are a fool. These monsters are so very bad and evil. I was lured too in a scam by another scammer.
I too had took a loan to help him. You soon will get over it and will go on with your life.
I know its a difficult time for you right now but it will pass one day.

They are monsters which have no conscious and one day they will get punished for all the things they did in their lives to us innocent women, you are a woman with a good heart and you only wanted to help the one you loved there is nothing bad about that.

I hope you can manage it and that you will not get into troubles because of the loan you took.
You need to give it time to process your grief, it feels if you lost the one you loved but one day you will get over all this.

Greetings from Mirjam
MirjamJunior Poster Posts: 11Joined: Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:38 am

[Mirjam]

Hi Sofie

I just saw your messages you wrote to me in june last month. Sorry that i answer your messages just now.
I'm doing well right now, its been about a month ago that i had the last contact with my scammer and i am relieved that i no longer have contact with this evil monster.
I was so adicted to him wating for his calls and messages and now i have my old life back.
My heartache was over within a few days luckely.
But i have to pay my loan i took for him and it irritates me that i will see the paying of my loan on my bankaccount every month because it will always reminds me of this evil monster !

But its just only money, i am grateful that i am in good health and have my family and friends around me although i will never tell them what happened to me, i will take this secret into my grave I dont want nobody to know how stupid i have been although i have forgave myself already for making such a stupid mistake.

I just had a vacation for three weeks and was staying at home, needed sometime thinking about my further life.
I still believe that there are good and nice people out there. I live by the day and will see what the future will bring me, I dont want to look on datingsites anymore.
From now on I will accept all that life will give to me and if i have to meet a man in my life than its my destiny and if not its okay with me than i have to accept that.

You asked me about the Malaysain Police. I had sent them an email to this adress:

rmp@rmp.gov.my and they answered me with the text: Your email will be forwarded to aduanawam@rmp.gov.my for further action. So I hope they can do something about it.

Thanks for your nice words towards me, i feel strong now but sometimes when i see a sad story on TV i get emotional and have to cry, i think that is a part of the process of my grief.
Today i started working again and as i have a very busy job luckely i have less time to think about the situation i am in but i will survive all this and i have a very well paid job so i can pay off my loan but i think that their are women who are scammed and have financial problems and that makes me sad.
I even read that a woman had to sell her house. My scammer asked me to get a loan on my house or buy out my pension but i wasnt that crazy so i told him that i would never do that.

I strongley believe that one day these very ugly devils will get paid for what they did to us, maybe not in this life but standing before God when they die.
I hate the fact that they uses the name of God all the time because they are such liers and misuses God for their scamming.

Greetings from Mirjam

[Tomi]

FoolishMe,

I am so sorry that you had been scammed, for the huge amount of money you lost to these criminals and for the pain, the anger, the agony you are having right now. Like we always said to all victims of this kind of scam, you are not at all foolish or stupid. You became an innocent victim of a crime because you didn’t know these kind of evil criminals exist. You are a compassionate and trusting person that you don’t expect that there are people who could be as evil and as deceitful as these criminals. All you are feeling right now is so understandable. You are not alone and please feel comfort that we’re all here. If it makes you feel better to write it, then write and express here everything that you feel, just to try to lighten up the burden a little bit and we’re here to listen.

Take good care of yourself.
Tomi

[Tomi]

Hi Mirjam,

It’s good to hear that you’re doing well now. You’ve proven yourself that you’re a strong woman. Just hang in there and things will eventually get better.

Take care,
Tomi

[Mirjam]

Hi Tomi

Thank you for your nice words. I am glad i am a strong woman, i always have been that all my life.
I had so much bad experiences with men, i am divorced twice and than i met this very ugly evil monster but
i survived my ex husbands and i will survive this scammer too.
I will never let him win and he can never take my pride and dignity away

It makes me sad that the scammers can go on scamming us innocent and caring women and that no one can do something about that. I had never heard of scammers untill i met one and than it was too late.
I am certain that a whole lot of women dont know that there are scammers on the datingsites and they will fall for their smooth talks and promisses.
But the only thing we can do is to warn them and sometimes i read that luckely other women are checking this site.

Kind regards from Mirjam

[FrumpyBB]

Hallo,

Da ich kein Forum gefunden habe, um mich zu bedanken, tue ich es an dieser Stelle. Danke für Eure Seite, für Eure Hinweise. Sie haben mich vor einer großen Enttäuschung bewahrt.

Danke an alle. Gut es es diese Seite gibt.


Irgendwo wird es auch für mich jemanden geben, der kein scammer ist.


Hello, I have not found a forum to thank me, I do it at this point. Thank you for your site, for your information. You have saved me from a big disappointment. Thanks to all. Glad there is this site. Somewhere there will be for me, someone who is not a scammer.

[FrumpyBB]

[Pinky]

Thanks for the translation, Frumpy. It's so good to know we saved someone.

[connie10]

HELP !!!! It has been almost a month and i can't get this person out of my head or out of my heart. I was so stupid, I fell in love with someone that was just a fake. I fell in love with the picture and the words that this thing used. He made me believe him, if I questioned him about his love for me, then I did not trust him. For months I lived just to chat with him on our special place (yahoo). I can't stop crrying, I feel so hurt and there is no one that I can talk to. The other night I was in bed and I was wanting him to come back. I have to start accepting that the love was only one sided and the person that I thought lovd me was only using me. I was reading some of our conversations and early in "our relationship" he was calling me "mumu". I loved it and thought that it was funny because of what I thought mumu meant, turns out in Nigeria the word MUMU means IDIOT. Now I really feel like an idiot for giving my heart to something that did not exist. Yes, there is the loan that will remind me for a while about this love that never really existed, that i can deal with. The part that hurts that I was so in love, planning for a future and now know that none of those things will ever happen. I AM GETTING SICK OF CRYING BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP.

[The Wild Geese]

Hello connie10,

Sorry for your sad and painful experience with a scammer. Your feelings right now is understandable. Yes it hurts when one discover that one is betrayed by the person whom you thought loved you. Well, the painful truth is, he never loved you. You are just his job. His source of income. My words are maybe not words of comfort but my words are eye openers. Remember, right from the very start he called you “mumu” which is oftentimes used by Nigerians as insults, meaning idiot, fool, silly. When you love a person, you never call your love one as idiot. Then he called you that? Crying is one way of unloading your frustrations. When you have no more tears to shed, try to think. Think clearly, was an ugly, heartless scammer worth the agony? You will find out that, “No he is nothing worth at all.” Try to see the bright side of discovering he is a scammer. He call you fool? No you are not fool! Remember that! You discovered that he is a scammer. By that alone, you can count yourself as an intelligent person. Fools will never know when somebody take advantage of them. Okay? Forget about the money you gave to your scammer because that is money lost forever.

The best thing for you to do now is to stop all contacts with your scammer. No answering the phone calls or emails. No contact means complete no contacts! One most important thing for you to remember is, never tell him you know he is a scammer.

As a revenge and to help other people whom maybe is another victim of your scammer, pls post the following regarding your scammer.
Site you meet him and his profile
First 3 mails he sent you with originating IP
Email addy
telephone numbers
Address
request for money
pictures

Post the following as a reply to a post who uses the same photos used by your scammer. If he is using a total different pictures, then create a new topic.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask anybody here in RS. We will try to help you in the very best way we can. Take care of yourself.

[Mirjam]

Hi Connie

I know what you are going trough i went to the same pain and sadness. in the beginning i missed his voice and messages so much but now after 6 weeks i dont miss him anymore.
You have to forgive yourself and than everything will become better for you.
Dont read his messages anymore, throw them away and try to move on with your life.

i have to pay for a loan too but its just money and you will manage it. Try to focus on other nice things in your life, go to the hairdresser, buy yourself a nice dress etc

I have to go to work now but i will sent you a message when i am home from work.
Please dont cry anymore you will get better i promise you that i have been there, done that

Greetings Mirjam

[Mirjam]

Hi Connie

I hope you are felling better now ? If you feel the need to write your feelings on this site than don't hesitate.
We all will help you as much as we can to deal with your pain and grief.

It will help a lot if you can talk about your story with other people.
I hope you have some family or friends you can turn to and if not you can also come overhere and we
all will support you.
Someday the sun will be shining again for you, go for a walk, look at the nature that surrounds you.
You will be a stronger woman when you have processed your grief.

I wish you all the best and maybe we meet again on this site

Greetings, Mirjam

[Pinky]

Connie, you obviously need more time. There is nothing wrong with you and nothing you need to fix. Everyone handles this a little bit differently, in their own way. There is nothing wrong with crying - it's therapeutic. What you've been through is nothing short of emotional rape. Your scammer is a rapist.

The feelings of love are still there because they are you! You are a loving, generous, kindhearted person. You will love again, with the same intensity but this next time, you will know better how to find a real man to share that love with.

I read your post and immediately identified with what you're going through because I'm dealing with something similar in my life right now. I have always dispensed the advice here, that the best way to get out of your own funk is to throw yourself into the cause of helping others. It's why I'm here. I'm a 'feel-good' junkie and this really does help me. Now I find I have to take my own advice. It is working. Each day that goes by, the false hopes dissipate more and more. Soon they will be nothing but a vapor trail in my existence.

But I believe in purpose and meaning in life and that our experiences are lessons that prepare us for progression. I don't want to forget or lose those awesome feelings of love and compassion. I want to experience them again and I know I will. Remembering how I felt; just the act of remembering is an important human dynamic process that brings key thoughts and emotions to mind on a continual basis to cultivate our minds. We weed out the useless and unpleasant and learn to focus and channel ourselves into better situations. With each experience, we grow stronger and wiser. We learn.

You will survive this, I promise you. Let go of any thoughts you might have that associate love with your rapist. He was/is pure evil. You danced with the devil and lived to tell the tale! You came away stronger, better and wiser for it. Recognize that those thoughts of love are yours and yours alone right now. Once you're past this, there will be someone real to share with later.