I haven't read co-dependency books, tho I think they might be helpful, but have read much on Borderline Personality Disorder. I personally know several w/this. They are the Ultimate Con-artists, which shows up in their psychological testing, tho if you've lived with one, you don't need a test to know it. While they desperately need help(likely Snarf's ex-stepdaughter is BPD), they need to be avoided in a relationship at almost any cost.
They can severely Traumatize even those who love them most(and who they, in all honesty, also love-of course, not so in the case of a scammer), but you cannot allow them to keep doing so to yourself. Books on BPD not only explain it(not needed in the case of scammers), but they also tell how to deal with living with or being close to Someone who does & how to deal with the Trauma that comes with it(this is the part that would help in Understanding and Healing from the Trauma-as I mentioned, BPD's are ultimate con-artists-I know one personally that scores at genius level on tests of psychological cunning).
Maybe one of these books would be helpful for some. The best is Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder. Oldest is referenced in the 1st book and is also excellent, called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. And the 3rd one I know of, but haven't read, however caught my attention immediately, is Stop Walking on Eggshells(understanding the border-line person. disordered).
They basically help you deal with the trauma caused by someone you love the most, who is often destroying you both mentally and physically, (tho they are fairly helpless themselves, but are capable of understanding BPD and getting help if they truly want it).
Scamming non-stop, perfecting their craft all the while, and traumatizing victims left in their wake, are the 2 things I believe these criminal/pro-scammers and those with the extremely disabling Borderline Disorder have in common. The books are written to help not just those impaired with BPD, but esp. their Family and Friends, who have been traumatized by their actions. They can be found at most large bookstores such as Borders, Barnes & Noble, Hastings, etc. (Btw-borderline means borderline between reality & being psychotic-it is very severe-which is why the trauma that comes with it is also severe-if anyone finds these books to be helpful or not helpful, please post. While I've read one fully, it's been quite a while. Haven't read any more yet, since dealing w/a scammer, tho hope to.)
Very encouraging to know the books being worked on here. They sound extremely useful & helpful. Learning about the grieving process would prob. also be very helpful. Sometimes it depends on each individual. What helps some, may be less helpful for others.
Also, as far as why has this happened, I feel for me, it has given me a much greater understanding of the whole pitiful situation facing the country of Africa. I have much more awareness & sympathy for the Everyday non-criminal people living in the various areas there, and would actually like to be able to be a part of something to help change their situation.
Thanks to all for their contributions to this post. Just reading through them has encouraged me.