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Romance Scam

Please report romance scams and dating scams here. We accept reports on Russian scammers and Nigerian scammers.

Disclaimer regarding pictures posted on the board: please understand that you are NOT looking at the pictures of people who are actually scamming you. The people portrayed on these photos are innocent men and women, NOT involved in scamming in any way and have nothing to do with scammers. The scammers are using their images without their knowledge or permission to deceive their victims and steal their money.




The Healing Process

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Wingman182
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Thu Jul 14, 2016 12:22 pm

Hello b-man, sorry I'm not going to call you broken because you are not. You are just badly wounded. The word broken implies that something is in a state that maybe beyond repair. Wounded however refers to damage that is able to heal over a period of time. So b-man it is.

We all understand why you are feeling so ashamed while reviewing all of this information you are compileling. It is because you are now looking at all of it with a new prospective, and with new eyes. That saying really is true. “Love is blind” It's supposed to be a good thing. Something that helps us see pass that special someone flaws, and see the true beauty of their soul within. This usually happens after we meet someone face to face. But with the relationships that are developed on line we only have what that person gives us to see. And this is just one of the tools scammers use against us. They want us to be blinded to what is really going on. But now you are seeing the signs and red flags and are most likely kicking yourself in the pants for not seeing them sooner. Well my friend you are not alone in this. There were plenty of red flags for me to see as well, but like you at the time they were missed. If you care to you can read it for yourself. My story is just down the page on this forum. But be mindful. There are certain truths that male victims have to come to terms with and learn to accept. It's an additional kick in the teeth that all of us guys have to face. So if you scroll down toward the bottom of that thread please keep this in mind. It has already been mentioned here, but you may have over look it. Not only can love blind, but pain can blind as well.

b-man
I am currently compiling a list of all the information that I saved from the SCAM. There is quite a lot of it and as I do this task it makes me even sadder that I could have been so blind. You will see what I mean when I post it on the (Raven Riley imposter) forum. I fell so hard so quickly that it is bringing me to tears of shame again now writing this.
You are also not alone about how you feel about the money you had lost, I was the same. It's amazing how a broken heart can override a broken bank account. However keira is correct. In many ways you are fortunate. I to have known victims that have lost everything, even their homes. I had also thought mine was a prolonged scam covering nearly 7 months. Then encountered victims that had been scamed over a period of years. But I also watched them come through the darkest of days and begin the process of putting their lives back together again. And I had felt well hell, if they can do it so can I. And you will to.
And over the years I have never come across a victim that could be called an idiot, stupid, or even just dumb. Only nieve of the threat and danger of the low life vermin known as the romance scammer. Victims come from all walks of life and from all over the world. I've seen doctors, lawyers, even a university professor of English literature. All well educated, all very much intelligent people. They still fell victim, so there is nothing to be ashamed about. Those words may not be helping right now, but they are true. So stay strong, you will get through this, and this site is here to help you in anyway we can.
Just keep in mind. There are no time tables, no set schedules. We all heal in our own way and in our own time. And we all end this journey both stronger and wiser.
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Re: The Healing Process

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Wingman182
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Thu Jul 14, 2016 4:01 pm

Oh b-man I'm so sorry. I just read your post in the reporting forum and I see you already know.
You were being romanced by another man.
It was my sincere hope to ease into that particular subject. It's bad enough to find out that you had been scammed. Finding out that you were romanced scammed by a group of well trained men only adds salt to the wound.
All I can say is that your anger and desire for revenge is completely understandable.
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby brokenman » Fri Jul 15, 2016 1:40 am

Thanks keira for your kind words, yes I do feel lucky that I stopped when I did. I was very close to sending more money when I found out. My financial losses were no more than a few months setback for me and it will be relatively easy to recover from that. My emotional losses are far more costly.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby brokenman » Fri Jul 15, 2016 1:55 am

Thanks Wingman182 for your responses. Yes I do feel very sick to my stomach about finding out who I'd been scammed by. It has been a very rough few days for me now. I've begun writing down my experiences now because that is one way that I've decided to help myself recover. And there might be information that I remember/discover during that process that will help on the RR forum.

I am certainly still suffering now, but the help I have found here at RS is invaluable. Thank you all so much. My biggest problem at this point is the fact that I will have to lie to my family and the few friends that I told, about what has happened with my new "girlfriend". In particular my brother (my best friend) with whom I'm sure that I will break down crying in any attempt to lie to him. He had his doubts from the day I told him about her. I will be talking with him this weekend and he will inevitably ask about "her".

Now I have to tell half-truths (lie) to those that are most special to me. I'm so sad again now writing this. If anyone has advice on this matter, thank you in advance.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby keira » Fri Jul 15, 2016 6:01 am

Why do you have to lie? Because you feel so ashamed or there is another reason?

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Pinky » Fri Jul 15, 2016 7:18 am

Just a back seat psychologist-wannabe opinion here, but 1)crying is good for you, 2)you need live support from someone who loves you. I believe your brother tried to warn you because he truly cares - and 3)admitting to your brother that he was right and you wished you'd listened to him would be an honest, humbling, cathartic and endearing experience for you both - all of which will go a long way towards a quick recovery.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby brokenman » Sat Jul 16, 2016 1:22 am

To keira, yes because I feel so ashamed. No one knows about the money I sent. Everyone thinks that I met someone very special online and that she was coming to meet me. When they eventually ask what happened, I cannot tell the full truth. My 2 employees already know that she is false (I see and talk to them every weekday, so they were the first to know) and that was hard enough. I guess I will just do the same with my other friends and family. I will just tell them that she wasn't real, and that is all that I can say about it.

To Pinky, thanks and I agree. The tears that I've shed this past week have been good for me. And you are right that he is the best source of support for me right now. It's just that we are SO close to one another, that I am afraid of our next conversation. Because (see above paragraph) just telling him that she was false...he will want to know more and I am too ashamed to tell him the full truth.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Sat Jul 16, 2016 3:25 am

You better tell the truth. See, scam was an isolated episode in your life and sooner you get it of your chest you'll feel better. Family - you have for a life and I see your brother loves you no matter what. Why to carry lies and drown deeper and deeper. When family asked how much money I just replied :are you going to give me some to replace the loss? they never asked again but mom knows and prayed for me so Lord will continue his blessings.
There are millions fake profiles in internet and everyone who has FB or is on dating sites for sure had to deal with scammers. They may not even know who they chat with. Consider yourself smarter and empowered. The sad time will pass.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Pinky
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Pinky » Sat Jul 16, 2016 6:47 am

Dude, change your name. You are not broken, man. You can be cracked a little, but if I could rename you I'd make you caringman.

You just don't know how many people you're helping with your warnings about the scam, your heartfelt and tender expressions and how you're handling this episode in your life story.

Read around this site and you'll see that most of the participants are women - but do you think women are targeted more? I don't think so. I think most men are too ashamed to even report. You are setting an important example for others. You are courageous in my opinion.

You don't have to tell anyone about the money. Your finances are nobody's business. But being honest about the scam helps warn others. You said you're employees know . . . well they all know other people that they might warn now. You're helping people you don't even know you don't know.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby FrumpyBB » Sat Jul 16, 2016 8:45 am

I have looked for a while to find where it was on here, finally I have found it but "knuckles"´case is slightly off-topic to your case, but he (male vic from UK but of Russian scams, not of West Africans) went to BBC in May 2015. Topic is here (http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewto ... 52#p438552) . Just to show that it has happened before and that you are not the only one. Recently an official in Canada (next link: http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewto ... 38#p491238 ) said that he estimates only 1-5% report this crime to them at all. Last, here are quotes of the US figures (and Australia) for 2014 regarding officially reported online fraud : http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewto ... 3&t=100219
older schemes like romance scams remain the largest source of losses to individuals in the US
This text says that in 2013, IC3 collected 269,000 reports from people who claimed to have lost money to a scam, and around 124,000 in the first half of 2014.
Anywhere, from there you can easily find some official numbers if it helps to have some "back up". :)
Please try your best to block ALL your scammer´s still incoming messages and calls!

What is all this? => The FAQ

The scammers vs. Why is "he" still doing it?

Why is alerting the man in the pictures DANGEROUS?

Please click why confronting my scammer is terribly wrong :)

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby brokenman » Sun Jul 17, 2016 2:45 am

To Igulinka, Pinky, FrumpyBB, thanks for the replies.

Pinky, that was very kind of you. But for now I will remain brokenman. I'm still too in shock to feel anything else. I'm still trying to write down everything that I can remember to try to help myself and others but most times so far it is so hard that I cannot do more than little chunks at a time.

I have not told anyone nor do I think I can about the SCAM ($). My employees only know that "she" is not real. That is also the only thing that I ever intend on telling anyone else. And YES, to anyone else reading this (male or female) you should spend time reading around this website. The time I've spent doing that in the past 5 days has helped tremendously.

To FrumpyBB, thanks for the links to read, I looked at them all and yes they helped, and thanks so much more for this site. Being able to communicate here might have saved my sanity. I don't know what I would've done without being able to post here for the past 5 days. Thank You All.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby keira » Sun Jul 17, 2016 11:07 am

Brokenman, that´s understandable, reading your communication with the scammers is very traumatic and painful. You posted the names and the contacts, now you don´t have to hurry, you don´t have to go back to the scammers´ letters at all, or you can put them aside and then you can post them later and only if you want and if it helps in your healing. And remember, you are not alone, I think we all felt ashamed. But the scam didn´t happen because we are stupid and they are smarter than us, but because feelings are stronger than reason, that is nature and scammers take advantage of that basic trait of human nature. I´m thinking about why people (including me) feel ashamed for something that is so natural, maybe it´s because people usually feel ashamed when they are not strong enough to resist their feelings and feelings overwhelm their reason, and they think it´s their weakness. But this is not weakness, it is our strength that we are willing to sacrifice something from our property for others, that is the basis of our good and loving relationships with others. So enjoy those good relationships with loving people from your real life, and think about the troubles with the scammers as an episode of your life which happened, but made you stronger and wiser. It sometimes happens to honest and upright people that some cheaters and liars defraud them. Scammers use a parasitic life strategy and they are happy with it, it´s flourishing when there is enough honest people in the community, because we don´t think like scammers, we couldn´t be happy with their lifestyle, and we can´t even imagine how somebody can be that cruel and ruthless, but we have to realize that unfortunately people like these exist and we have to build strategies how to resist them and not become a victim again.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby brokenman » Mon Jul 18, 2016 1:53 am

Keira, wow that post really made my day. It made me smile even through tears while I read it. That meant so much to me. I don't know what else to say except thank you.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby keira » Mon Jul 18, 2016 5:48 am

You´re very welcome! I hope the meeting with your brother was ok.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby JulieNP » Mon Jul 25, 2016 9:30 pm

Brokenman - "coming out" to my family was the best thing I ever did. My family tried to warn me off as well and I would not listen. My family's biggest question was how much did I send and I simply told them that was none of their business unless they were going to give me $$ to help out - it was my money to do with as I wished. Like you I cried for days and it has been three years now and while there are moments of grief at love lost mostly it is just knowing the karma has way of evening out the universe!

Like you, my scam $$ lost were a set back for a few months and I came away stronger and happier knowing that I had done the right thing for another human being claiming to be in need. And you, also, were just trying to help someone who used you for a bank run. I have always believed that if someone one needs it bad enough to steal it from me then they likely need it worse than I - it is what gets me through the down times.

Julie

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