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The Healing Process

Emotional Support, Compassionate Friends
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Pinky
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Pinky » Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:08 am

Someone please tell me this will all end.
It ends now. Like steel your soul has been tested and tempered. Your pain is nothing compared to the pain your dear friend is facing. You now have the strength and compassion of 10 women to be at your friend's side and be the pillar they need to lean on. You will lose the residual pain and heartbreak by giving your heart and love to someone who deserves it and truly needs it. The money is nothing. Real, selfless love is everything. Yours is at low tide now, but will come back stronger, I promise you.

And please do as Arabian Nights suggests. Post up all the sordid details of your scammer. It might hurt to rehash it, but take some comfort in knowing you will most likely be saving someone else your same pain. These guys don't do just one woman at a time, they do several and they go on and on. The only way to stop them is to make everyone we can, aware.

Thanks for posting here and welcome to our group of powerful women (and men) who can survive anything now.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

Re: The Healing Process

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Mals
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Mals » Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:08 am

I have just posted my "story" on the Nigerian White males section. I'd have gone into more detail but thought I'd run out of my allotted amount of space to write in. This section is really helpful and worthwhile. I feel fortunate that even though I lost money through my association with the scammer, he didn't actually get the benefit. But he also led me into lots of phone sex and cyber sex, which as part of a relationship I didn't mind, but now feel really yukky about that, and were there others around listening to it too?

I have shared my experience with my friends and family. I don't feel it's anything to be ashamed of, and luckily my people have been wonderfully supportive. This forum helps heaps though too, as it's people who can relate to my story and understand all the complex emotions that go with it, as I certainly empathise with what I've been reading.

The co-dependents book topic was interesting too as I'm also looking deeper into myself, my own "neediness" and why I made such a good target, and plan to get some counselling to help deal with the emotions I've experienced, and to dig deeper into issues that need some resolving that have been around for years which this aborrent situation has led me into.

It's only been a month or so since I began to realise things were really dodgey and discovered the actual Nigerian connection just last week, so it's all new and raw for me. Although I'm feeling my strength coming back and I intend to use this experience in a positive way. What got me in my situation was even though there were things that made me very suspicious, he sounded SO believable in his voice, and with our daily long communication through chat we covered so many topics on so many levels, I was stunned to think that was all a sham. It's going to take a while to process all this properly.
"Anyone who thinks they're too small to make a difference has not spent the night with a mosquito" - (Anita Roddick).

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Crescentmoon » Tue Jan 05, 2010 3:41 am

Hi Mals,

It does take some time to process, digest and seperate the fact that the man in the pictures is not the man you have been communicating with. It will take some time to wrap your head around it. Everyone is different and takes different amounts of time for each of us. The important thing is for you to take care of YOU right now.

Personally, I have been 9 months "scam free." I think I am finally on the road to recovery. I don't think about it every day, but it does cross my mind from time to time. As Pinky has told me, and how true it is, I will never be the same. But, I believe I will be better from this experience.

On New Years Eve, I decided it was time to let it go as well as beating myself up for it. I scrubbed my house from top to bottom to get the bad energy from 2009 out. I did some personal rituals and then wrote all the bad stuff down and burned copies of all the emails and pictures that were sent to me in my fireplace. It was quite liberating! :D

And as I have said on here, please remember that you are not a VICTIM, you are a scam SURVIVOR!

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Pinky
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Pinky » Tue Jan 05, 2010 4:59 am

I'm also looking deeper into myself, my own "neediness" and why I made such a good target, and plan to get some counselling to help deal with the emotions I've experienced, and to dig deeper into issues that need some resolving
.

I think someone here has a signature by-line that says, "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." This is so true. As painful as this experience is, I know it does have a tendency to make us all more insightful and perhaps helps us make wise decisions and succeed in our future relationships. I'm a firm believer in purpose and meaning in all things.
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Mals
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Mals » Tue Jan 05, 2010 6:25 am

Thanks, Crescentmoon and Pinky. I'm glad to hear your healing has advanced so well, Crescentmoon, and that the new year has helped to "bring in the new" in such a positive way. I've actually discovered a whole new well of strength I didn't know I had in the last few days, and definitely felt myself turn a corner in my own recovery from this shock. It is great to have a forum to talk about this stuff in though, as all my friends and family must be sick to death of hearing me go on about it as I've been trying to process it. Perhaps there is something about that strong image you form in your mind of this person, with photos, chats, emails and voice all you have to go on, that makes it particularly hard to eradicate - whilst you're trying to grapple also with marrying up the person you thought you loved or cared for with the fact that person didn't actually exist in the form in your head. I never totally subscribed to the "in love" part, as I thought of it all as a fantasy until you actually know someone in person, even though Morris tried very hard to knock that out of me. But having said that, I was sucked in enough emotionally to very definitely have been taken for a huge ride.
Pinky, I agree totally with the comment re the saying of "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger". I have started to feel that already and have begun to feel more empowered now. I am contemplating writing a book actually too (fictional, but based on my experience) - I love the fantasy of a bestseller on my hands brought about by his nefarious deeds :))
"Anyone who thinks they're too small to make a difference has not spent the night with a mosquito" - (Anita Roddick).

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby bookie2 » Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:36 pm

Hi there have to tell you that i have to been the victim of this online scam business not once but twice,I too thought of myslef as a fool ,stupid idiot,so nauive and trusting and could not understand for the life of me how this could happen.I guess it is only human nature for good and honest people to put trust in someone word .I can honestly say that i too could not talk about this to family members,or friends just tried to brush it off.It has nothing to do with money although we all know how much we need it ,but it the mind body and soul that takes the blunt of the punisment.I have been feeling real good reporting and surfing the net getting my education and redemtion back.By reading about your plight ,and reading all testemony and being on these sites has made me start feeling like a man again and i hope all you guys and gals that fall victim to these scammers will heal faster then me,This will never deter me from my quest to find a soul mate online because i know there someone for everyone out there have to be patiant and be aware of our surroundings,( NEVER SEND MONEY) PERIOD.Kenneth. :)

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby bookie2 » Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:47 pm

Thanks, Crescentmoon and Pinky. I'm glad to hear your healing has advanced so well, Crescentmoon, and that the new year has helped to "bring in the new" in such a positive way. I've actually discovered a whole new well of strength I didn't know I had in the last few days, and definitely felt myself turn a corner in my own recovery from this shock. It is great to have a forum to talk about this stuff in though, as all my friends and family must be sick to death of hearing me go on about it as I've been trying to process it. Perhaps there is something about that strong image you form in your mind of this person, with photos, chats, emails and voice all you have to go on, that makes it particularly hard to eradicate - whilst you're trying to grapple also with marrying up the person you thought you loved or cared for with the fact that person didn't actually exist in the form in your head. I never totally subscribed to the "in love" part, as I thought of it all as a fantasy until you actually know someone in person, even though Morris tried very hard to knock that out of me. But having said that, I was sucked in enough emotionally to very definitely have been taken for a huge ride.
Pinky, I agree totally with the comment re the saying of "that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger". I have started to feel that already and have begun to feel more empowered now. I am contemplating writing a book actually too (fictional, but based on my experience) - I love the fantasy of a bestseller on my hands brought about by his nefarious deeds :))
Hi Mals my name is Kenneth i too thinking writing a book on the subject have kept 9 yrs of journals from the past years already printed out most anyways (FANTACY FINAL FLING) if you would like to colaborate on the subject i would be more then happy to.xxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com Thanks for your input.Ken :D

EDIT by Pinky: Sorry Ken, no personal info of yours should be posted for your own protection. Send your email address through private message. Thanks.

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Tropical Breeze
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tropical Breeze » Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:24 pm

Wow... I just read through all of these posts and it could have been me writing them. My heart goes out to all of you out there who have suffered like this. I thought I was the only one or one of very few. To my surprise and dismay there are so many of us. I too posted to the fbi, but I doubt anything will come of that. If my church is going to Ghana this year, I am going to do my best to take that mission trip because I want to step on that land, see the people there and not lose hope and faith that there ARE good people in Africa. I see it as pushing through the fire and coming out unharmed at the end, renewed in both mind, body and spirit. It is like facing your demon and conquering it. I cried reading some of these posts because I can feel so much pain and I empathize with each of you.
I have been through a lot in my life just like everyone else, this has been the most humiliating experience ever.
Just being able to post my thoughts here and share with others is helping me to begin the healing process. I cannot wait to post that I am happy and financially balanced again. I will pray for all of us that we not only recover but are better off than before in every aspect. Be blessed. I will post again.

P.S. I would like to post an IP but how do I get it, from emails or instant messages that are saved? If someone could help me that would be great.

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Pinky
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Pinky » Fri Mar 05, 2010 1:58 pm

Welcome! We are glad you found us and happy to help any way we can. There are instructions on how to obtain email headers and IPs in your welcoming private message here. Check your inbox. You can't get IPs from chats.

Thanks for adding your support here too. You will discover that helping others helps ease your own pain faster.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

wayne


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Re: The Healing Process

Postby wayne » Fri Mar 05, 2010 2:43 pm

i too thinking writing a book on the subject have kept 9 yrs of journals from the past years already printed out most anyways (FANTACY FINAL FLING)[/quote]

Just to remind everyone that we're currently working on a second book, which will feature stories from the members here about how they met their scammers as well as several baits to show that it is possible to fight back at them. If anyone would like to contribute their story then please either PM FrumpyBB or myself.

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zetaarnold
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby zetaarnold » Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:11 am

Hello Wayne:
I want to contribute with my story. I tried to send you a PM, but I still having problem with that :cry: . I also did some bait.
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark..." Shakespeare

wayne


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Re: The Healing Process

Postby wayne » Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:09 pm

If you're having problems with PM then you can email them to me, using wayne@ and the name of this site. I'm not going to type it out as we all know what happens when that happens ;)

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Pinky
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Pinky » Sat Mar 06, 2010 4:44 pm

I'm not going to type it out as we all know what happens when that happens ;)
Yes, all the women here lose control and start stalking him with their love letters and naked pictures. It's a cross poor Wayne must bear.
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zetaarnold
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby zetaarnold » Sun Mar 07, 2010 2:55 am

Do not worry, Pinky, I promise don't lose my control :)
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark..." Shakespeare

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Tropical Breeze
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tropical Breeze » Mon Mar 08, 2010 8:21 pm

I do not want to see ANYONE else go through what I am going through right now. It's not over in a few days where I am just back to myself and putting this behind me. No. There is so much processing that I have yet to do. My head aches most of the time from thinking. I really am trying but the hurt and deceit are very overpowering. The money, well, its gone, nothing I can do about that. The psychological effects are more devastating. More than anything I need to forgive myself for allowing it to happen, when I know that my inner voice was talking to me all along and I simply would not listen. I spent over a year waking up every day with anxiety. To this day, I wake up in a sweat and panic. This was a very expensive mistake to make. We all have scars in our lives, some smaller than others. This is one of those ugly, big ones that you don't even want anyone to see.
Thank you all for posting your thoughts and feelings here to share. I am going to look into some books that might be able to help. Am really struggling right now.

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